A sharing by Sin Tee
I am a person who always want things to be perfect. If the thing that I own is broken or become imperfect, I will try not to keep it or I will tend to give or throw it away.
Everything was good till we have Nuo Nuo. After giving birth to Nuo Nuo, I stayed with him in the confinement centre. Few days later, the paediatric doctor from the confinement centre checked on my baby, he told us that he heard some murmur sound in Nuo Nuo’s heart. At first, I couldn’t take it and even question the doctor’s qualifications. We called and told the doctor who discharged Nuo Nuo from the hospital and he told us not to worry but to bring Nuo Nuo back for check-up.
True enough, the hospital doctor told us that this murmur sound was not there earlier when Nuo Nuo was in hospital but maybe because the pressure in the heart change after baby was born, the murmur sound was quite obvious now. The doctor immediately referred us to a specialist. They did echocardiogram on Nuo Nuo and found that my baby not only has one but two holes and the holes were not small. The doctor told us to wait and see because the hole might close by itself but the chance is 50-50.
I cried almost every day, but Ah Wei was very optimistic. He was there encouraging me and comforting me all the time. But when I was in the confinement centre, most of the time, I was alone with Nuo Nuo. My daughter, XiXi was not there. I cried all the time as I missed her a-lot during that time. Also, because of Nuo Nuo’s condition, most of the time I could not really rest because my mind was always worried about Nuo Nuo’s heart condition. What if the holes in his heart cannot close, and he is so young and still need to go through such a major surgery!
I also blame myself, maybe it was my lifestyle or the food that I consume during pregnancy that led to this condition.
Now my son is imperfect because his heart is with congenital condition, but I can’t just leave him.
When Nuo Nuo was 5 months old, the doctor in charge advised us that it was good for Nuo Nuo to be operated as he was more breathless and his weight was not increasing. We were very thankful to God that He has guided us throughout the whole process, from pre-admission, to surgery and to his recovery.
I thought the surgery was the hardest period I have to face but actually, the toughest time was after his surgery when I needed to take care of him full time. This had also caused imbalance feeling within myself. I always quarrelled with my husband, Ah Wei, because I happened to be the one who had to stay home 24/7 to take care of my baby. I felt like he did not understand what I had to go through at all. Especially his job requires him to travel quite a lot, he can get away from the house but for me I cannot run away. Every day for me, was about the kids and the house chores. This has caused me to quarrel with Ah Wei almost every day.
Last two week, while Sin Leng stayed with us and we were chatting, she said something which hit me directly.
“要做就不要埋怨，要埋怨就不要做“
Then during Deepavali, we were back in Kemaman. We talked about some history of my sister’s love story. They were from hating one another till they love one another. Then Sin Chek jokingly said, “For Sin Tee is opposite, from loving one another till hating one another now. “
Yes, I always want things to be perfect, but I am the one who is so imperfect, but my husband has never dislike or complain about me.
1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 13:5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 13:6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 13:7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 13:8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
God is reminding me that I need to learn to love again. No one is perfect including myself. i have to learn to love and make this family perfect in God’s eye. Physical imperfections are not important any more.